Review: Ed Sheeran's 'Subtract' Is Cohesive in a Boring Way

I don't know why anyone thought that suing Sheeran for plagiarism was a good idea since he's incapable of making a song that sounds like anything but an Ed Sheeran Song.

Of course, that's great news if you love Sheeran, and there's definitely something commendable about consistency.

But it doesn't leave much room for curiosity, wonder, and exploration.

Before "Subtract," I had never listened to one of Sheeran's albums front to back. And yet, by the time I finished track three, I had a pretty clear idea of how the next 40ish minutes of my life would sound.

Sure enough, my expectations were met. I was treated to an Ed Sheeran Album — nothing more, nothing less.

For the record, I neither like nor dislike Sheeran. I am not one of his many mindless haters who, in his words, treat him as "the punchline to what bad pop music is." But I'm also not someone who reaches for his music in my everyday life. I enjoy hits like "The A Team" and "Shape Of You," but I've never felt connected to them.

Still, I had high hopes for "Subtract." I love Dessner's work as a producer and I love sad lyrics. I got genuinely choked up reading Sheeran's Rolling Stone profile, his first in-depth interview in five years, in which he speaks candidly about the loss and trauma he's been forced to endure.

I never find myself doubting Sheeran's authenticity. Throughout "Subtract," it's clear that he's writing from the heart.

But even in moments when his pen is sharpest — when he's filled with regret in "Salt Water," or dreading news from the doctor in "Sycamore" — I sense a disconnect. Despite all the aforementioned loss and trauma, "Subtract" is full of smooth textures and buffed edges. It's predictable. Some lyrics are objectively heartbreaking, but I don't feel heartbroken.

My body doesn't absorb Sheeran's music in the way I expect from sensitive, eloquent pop stars. Instead, I feel it skim over my skin like a light breeze.

I can't put my finger on the cause of this disconnect, but I suspect it has something to do with Sheeran's unmistakable, unchanging voice. He is technically skilled in this area, boasting an impressive range. But like Pavlov's dog, I've been trained to expect cheesy balladry when I hear his signature lilt, so that's what I hear — even when the words aren't cheesy at all. 

At the end of the day, Sheeran is a successful, talented, top-40 musician who wants very much to be an album artist, and yet, he is not. And that's OK!

Worth listening to:

"Eyes Closed"

"Salt Water"

"Curtains"

"Spark"

"The Hills of Aberfeldy"

Background music:

"Boat"

"Dusty"

"Borderline"

"Vega"

"Sycamore"

Press skip:

"Life Goes On"

"End of Youth"

"Colourblind"

"No Strings"

*Final album score based on songs per category (1 point for "Worth listening to," .5 for "Background music," .5 for "Split decision," 0 for "Press skip").